Navigating Cofounder Dynamics: An Integration Practice to Avoid Splitting

In startups, cofounder dynamics are everything. When misalignment happens, it doesn’t just affect the relationship—it ripples through the entire company. In fact co-founder conflict is cited as a factor in the failure of 65% of startups. One of the most insidious ways this plays out is through splitting. 

What is Splitting?

Splitting occurs when one side of a polarity is held too strongly and applied universally, creating a perceived crisis where there is none. It’s an emotional shortcut that oversimplifies a complex situation into black-and-white terms, often pitting one cofounder—or even the whole organization—against an idea, a value, or a person.

Let’s look at an example:

The CEO vs. The CTO: A Case of Splitting

The CEO decides to take a week-long vacation for personal rest and recalibration. Meanwhile, the CTO is focused on pushing a new product launch to meet aggressive team goals.

The tension arises when the CTO begins to feel frustrated, projecting that frustration outward and labeling the CEO’s actions as symbolic of a larger issue:
"This company takes too many vacations and moves too slowly."

Now, the issue has escalated from a personal disagreement to an organization-wide crisis that pits the CTO’s priorities (speed and execution) against the company’s perceived culture (rest and reflection).

Why Splitting is Harmful

Splitting is dangerous because it polarizes teams, ideas, and decisions, often leading to resentment, inefficiency, and a breakdown of trust. It forces people to pick sides instead of fostering a healthy discussion about the tension between two valid perspectives.

A healthy system can hold polarities, weigh them against the context, and determine the most useful balance for the situation. Rest vs. urgency. Strategy vs. execution. Vision vs. pragmatism. These are all polarities that Startups must hold and assess regularly. 

An Integration Practice for Cofounders

Here is a simple exercise you can try when splitting surfaces in your co-founder relationship or leadership team. It’s an exercise in empathy, perspective-taking, and collaborative problem-solving that will bring your team back into alignment:

1. Name the Polarity

Acknowledge the two perspectives at play without judgment. For example:

• Polarity: "Taking time for rest and reflection vs. moving quickly on goals."

2. Create a Character for Each Pole

Externalize the perspectives by giving them a "character" or voice. This helps depersonalize the conflict.

• CEO’s Pole: REST: "I represent reflection, balance, and sustainability."

• CTO’s Pole: EXECUTION: "I represent speed, execution, and momentum."

3. Switch Perspectives

So the CEO will embody the Pole that the CTO has been holding, and the CTO will hold the CEO's Pole.

• Start with the Upside of the Other Perspective:

• CEO: "Pushing forward ensures we stay competitive and hit our targets."

• CTO: "Taking a break gives us clarity and prevents burnout." 

• Then, Highlight the Downside of Your Perspective:

• CEO: "Too much rest might make us miss opportunities or slow momentum."

• CTO: "Constant urgency could lead to burnout and poor decision-making."

• Next, Explore the Downside of the Other Perspective:

• CEO: "Always pushing might make the team feel overworked or undervalued. "Resting too much could signal to the team that we’re not prioritizing goals."

• CTO: "Resting too much could signal to the team that we’re not prioritizing goals."

• Finally, End with the Upside of Your Own Perspective:

• CEO: "Taking time for rest ensures we stay energized and make better decisions."

• CTO: "Focusing on execution lets us capitalize on opportunities and achieve our vision."

4. Find Integration

Once both sides feel heard, cofounders can collaboratively explore how to integrate the best of both perspectives into a cohesive plan.

• For example: "The CEO takes their vacation, but the team sets clear milestones to maintain momentum during their absence. The CTO communicates their urgency without dismissing the value of rest."

The Power of Integration

Startups thrive when leaders embrace complexity and avoid oversimplification. This practice isn’t just about resolving conflict—it’s about building a culture that values balance, empathy, and adaptability. 

This puts you on the same team, solving problems from the perspective of the system rather than each person as an individual. By holding both poles and regularly weighing their value, cofounders can navigate tensions without escalating them into crises.