How Assumptions Undermine Your Leadership (And How to Lead Differently)

I was chatting with a founder/investor friend recently, and he said something that’s been on my mind ever since.

It was one of those insights that felt both simple and deeply profound. I’ve been reflecting on it as a kind of guiding mantra for how to approach all relationships—whether it’s with a co-founder, a team member, a direct report, or even a partner. This principle is a powerful reminder to root our interactions in curiosity, acceptance, and a shared understanding of reality.

Here’s the insight:

Assumptions kill intimacy.

It’s that straightforward. But let’s pause for a moment—why does intimacy matter in business? The word itself might raise some eyebrows, especially in a work setting. So, let me define what I mean. Intimacy, in this sense, isn’t about personal relationships—it’s about the depth of connection that comes from trust, psychological safety, mutual understanding, and the willingness to have honest, vulnerable conversations. In the workplace, it means feeling seen, heard, and valued in ways that foster collaboration, innovation, and resilience.

When assumptions take over, they undermine intimacy. They block authentic communication and prevent a deep understanding of each other. Without that connection, work relationships often become transactional, surface-level, or rigid. This lack of intimacy leads to missed opportunities for growth, ineffective leadership, poor communication, and unresolved conflict.

So, let’s look at five common ways assumptions show up at work—and how you can work through them to foster a more authentic and effective way of collaborating with your team.

1) Misinterpreting Motives

We risk creating unnecessary tension and misunderstanding when we assume we understand why someone acted a certain way.

Example: Imagine your product manager pushes back on a proposed timeline, and you assume they’re just being difficult. But what if they’re actually worried about potential issues down the line that could affect product quality or user experience? In your frustration, you miss the opportunity to understand their perspective and collaborate on a solution that works for both of you.

Try this: Prioritize clarity. Make it a cultural norm to clarify intentions openly. A simple “Can I clarify what I meant by that?” or “I’m noticing we’re not on the same page here—can you help me understand your perspective?” can shift the conversation and open up a path for deeper understanding.

2) Limiting Vulnerability

Assumptions can keep you from creating a space where deeper connection and emotional understanding can flourish.

Example: Let’s say a key team member isn’t responding to your emails over the weekend, and you assume it’s because they’re not dedicated to the project, and it builds up as resentment. What you might miss, though, is that they’re struggling with something personal or managing multiple demands outside of work. When you don’t check in, it creates a space of judgment and disconnect, leaving them feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.

Try this: Approach with curiosity. Instead of assuming, ask open-ended questions like, “How are you managing your workload right now?” or “Is there something I can do to support you?” Doing so invites the other person to share more, which fosters a deeper, more empathetic connection.

3) Feeding Confirmation Bias

Once we hold an assumption about someone, we can start to see their actions through that lens, even if it doesn’t tell the whole story.

Example: Maybe you’ve labeled one of your team members as “a big-picture thinker” and convinced yourself they aren’t great at handling the details. Because of this, you might overlook moments when they excel at organizing or helping with the day-to-day operations. You’ve inadvertently limited their potential by sticking to a narrow role in your mind.

Try this: Invite vulnerability. Build in time to share the personal and professional challenges shaping your work. Acknowledge that people grow, and their capabilities are often more expansive than we assume. Holding a more nuanced view creates space for everyone to stretch and develop.

4) Blocking Feedback Loops

Assumptions can stop effective feedback from flowing, preventing the crucial conversations needed for growth and alignment.

Example: Feedback can be difficult to give and receive, especially when we assume how the other person will react. “They’ll take it as criticism,” or “They’ll get defensive,” are common thoughts that prevent us from having the necessary conversation. But in the end, not offering feedback robs everyone of the opportunity to improve and grow.

Try this: Name the assumption. Before diving into a conversation, take a moment to reflect on what assumptions you might be holding. Practice saying it out loud: “I’m holding back because I think you might see this as criticism, but my intention is to…” This simple step can open up the space for honest feedback that serves everyone’s growth.

5) Eroding Psychological Safety

When assumptions take root, they can create an environment where people feel judged or misunderstood, undermining psychological safety. And without psychological safety, people are less likely to share important perspectives or information that could help move the business forward.

Example: Let’s say one of your team members starts to hold back in meetings because they’ve been labeled as “too negative” or “always questioning things.” But what they might actually be doing, is raising valid concerns or sharing valuable information that could help you avoid problems down the road. By not inviting those concerns into the conversation, you miss out on critical feedback or an important perspective they are holding.

Try this: Cultivate trust and psychological safety. Start by ensuring everyone feels their voice is valued, even when their perspective challenges the status quo. Take the time to understand what drives each person’s point of view. This ensures everyone feels safe contributing, leading to more innovative solutions and better decision-making.

Intimacy in work relationships isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential. Without it, you’re missing out on your team's full potential, business growth, and collaboration's true power. So I want to challenge you: What assumptions are you holding onto? What could happen if you took the time to dig deeper into your colleagues' perspectives before jumping to conclusions?

It’s not easy work, but it’s the kind of work that pays off in meaningful, long-term ways—both for you and for the team you’re building.